This article is part two of a two part series on the topic of correction and guilt. The previous article dealt with the fruit of correction for Christians. This article will focus on helping our children mature with effective correction.
In a world where personal accountability seems to be a bad thing, we observe all manner of people attempting to run away from past actions. This is especially true if they perceive that, because of those actions, there is the potential for negative consequences. Could it be that as parents we are perpetuating this behavior in our children? How and why we correct our children is very important. The word of God has some perspective on this very subject:
“The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.”
Pr 20:30
In addition to being willing to receive correction, there are times when we must offer correction. Parents, especially of young children, are often obligated to offer frequent correction. This responsibility is both borne out of love for our children and patterned after God’s example toward us (Pr 13:24; 23:14; He 12:5-7). There is no doubt that correction is unpleasant for all involved, including parents (Pr 19:18). Correction becomes even more difficult because correction must always be accompanied by consistency. Without consistency, and children often need consistency more than the reproof itself as they test the boundaries again and again, the effort will usually be wasted (see Pr 22:15).
Despite the effort, we can be encouraged knowing that the labor of correction is not in vain. Children, like everyone, need to feel correction in order to be relieved of guilt. Children, especially young ones, may not be able to express that they feel some form of guilt for breaking the rules. However, most of us have observed children who have not even the slightest respect for their parent’s wishes. Such children are often extremely unhappy and are exceedingly proficient at making others around them unhappy. Successful parents will explain that, in order to be happy, children need boundaries. This statement is true, but what these parents mean is that children need boundaries that are enforced.
Generally speaking, there is no shortage of boundaries. Boundaries can come in the form of laws, a backyard fence, or even social expectations. Because they love to experiment with their environment, children have a remarkable understanding of boundaries. Children understand that actions produce a response from other people nearby and a negative response occurs when a boundary has been violated. While a child may understand a boundary has been violated, they may not have received the correction necessary to deter the same behavior in the future. If the negative behavior is not deterred, then the child will not feel corrected. If a child does not feel corrected they are not relieved of the burden of doing wrong. The parent may need to respond more swiftly or strongly the next time the boundary is violated.
Furthermore, effective correction includes complete forgiveness. Just as we expect that God will remember our sins no more, we must be willing to effectively blot out the mistakes of our children. If we continually remind a child how terrible they have been in the past, they will begin to be discouraged and believe it is impossible to improve. Discouragement is exactly what Paul was talking about when he admonished fathers not to bring their children to wrath.
Correction is a loving response. The world will disagree and try to convince us that correction will break a child’s spirit or cause them to become fearful and violent. God’s word tells us that those arguments are false. Effective correction, even if it hurts at the time, will not tear down, but will build up and make the recipient stronger and healthier inside. On the other hand, ineffective correction, or if mercy is never shown, will only frustrate their spirit and drive them away from further correction (Ep 6:4). Effective correction is both consistent and proportional to the size of the boundary crossed and may be as simple as requiring an apology. A child who is effectively corrected will flourish in the light and will not try to live in darkness.
Let us resolve to not fear either receiving correction or offering correction where appropriate. Christians will not offer correction as a means to cause hurt. Rather, the goal for the one deserving correction should be healing. Just like medicine to relieve an upset stomach, correction will calm the inner person. This may seem counter intuitive because correction can hurt, but the fruit of correction is strength and edification.